What Are Words

Been through a lot of things lately.
I don't know where and how to start.
Barely blog it out because I scare I might cried.
But now, here I am, decided to dissolve the dust away with my tears.

Involving myself in this year OO is really meaningful.
Although at the end, the results are terribly bad in my opinion.
All the people in college are agreed that this year OO is more awesome than previous year.
But none of them know how much the committee and finalists sacrificed.
They don't even know how many things I had sacrificed for OO.

I failed 2 coursework because of OO.
My time management is sucks apparently.
Gotta score well in coming make good test in order to pass my exams.
I'm still lazying around, unwilling to read the notes now.
It's getting nearer and nearer.
Next week is final exam as well.
Need to hush up myself in this few days.

I decided to let go a friend who I think doesn't worth for me at all.
I saw through a lot of things about him.
I feel so hurt to be honest, for what he had done to me at the final post mortem.
Not gonna talk much about this.
Because it's pointless from now on.

And you, Serenie.
I fall in love with you after the OO 2nd PnP.
I still remember the day I miss you so much while you were at Malacca for the SIPMA.
Day by day, I'd be thinking of you, hope you are doing fine over there.
Because of the feelings,
I even decided to promote you as my Assistant right after you are back.
You are the kind of girl who can definitely do the job very well.
I thought both of us can get along very well.
But I'm sucks in controlling my emotion / stress.
I hurt you lots of time.
I tried to tell you everything.
But I don't know why I cant make it.
I just love you, and doesn't want you to burden yourself with my problem.
You tried to help me, but I just keep on pushing your help away.
What a stupid me!
Things getting more hurt when Actual Night is getting near.
Me and you are becoming stranger to each other while you are getting closer to others.
Every time I see you, I can't get near to you.
Because I'm stuck in the middle of trying to be professional in works and also a guy who wanna get your attention.
It's very painful for me to see you sitting there, while I can't make any move.
I still remember, you promised to talk with me after the Saturday morning exercises.
But instead, you went back home with your junior right after the lunch.
You make me feel like I'm being forgotten by you.
I was down for the whole evening.
When I walking to the escalator at LRT, I met you.
And I sit besides you without saying anything.
My heart feel so confused, doesn't know what to say.
I ridiculously poked you and asked you a question that I wanted to ask day by day.
"What do you think about me recently?"
Yeah. I get what I want and I'm not gonna post it up here.
Things fly to Actual Day.
I'm being pissy at the morning because of some stuff.
I texted you but your reply hurt me so much.
You asked why everything I have to wait for you.
Why can't I settle it myself?
The moment I read your reply, my heart sunk to the max.
I'm not gonna blame you.
All I can do is to blame myself.
I disappointed you on the night.
Really really disappointed you.
I dont even want to defend myself, because everyone will still blame me no matter what.

OO is already over.
You are still being cold to me.
I tried to be cool and date you out,
But your questioning are hurting me deeply.
We barely contact each other.
Everyday, I'd been refreshing your page,
Hope to get your latest updates.
I know it is not a good thing by stalking you.
But that's the only way for me to know things about you.
Saw your latest photo.
You are still that adorable, but I don't know why,
The moment I see the photo, my heart are mixing up.
Sad, nervous and disappointment.

I don't know how to express out my feelings anymore.
Chris Medina's song is very meaningful.
What Are Words.
This is the only song that can suit my feeling everyday.
So disappointed of myself to be honest.
Sign off~